How to deal with toxic people, 7 things they do.
If you feel like you are in a toxic situation or would like to educate yourself on
signs about how they function, here are seven of the redflags to lookout for.
Knowing them can help you stay sane and protect your mental health
1. They manipulate you.
Have you ever been in a situation where they said something and later they deny it or accuse you of being oversensitive? Yes, that's a manipulation technique called gaslighting.
If you feel like you’re the only one contributing to the relationship, you’re
probably right. Toxic people have a way of making you feel like you owe them
Something. THey hold you responsible for the mistake they made or
hurt they cause you. This is especially common in workplaces or relationships
where the balance of power is upset.
Underhanded techniques are used with a false sense of promise and by
dangling a meaningless carrot and a task of fruitless labor often directed at
solving their problems. For Example: I am having a large gathering. Why don’t
you prepare dinner and bring it with you. It would give you the opportunity to show
off your cooking skills.
Fix: You don’t owe anyone anything. If it doesn’t seem like a favor, it isn’t.
2. They are judgmental.
We all get to make mistakes and sometimes come up short, but people with
a toxic mindset will ensure that you don’t forget it. They’ll take a swipe at one's
shortcomings, and scrutinize others for the mistakes they make.
Fix: We’re as humans are allowed to make errors now and then,
however except we’ve harmed someone with malicious intent nobody has the
right to being persecuted.
3. A lot of the important conversations are left abruptly.
In most relationship there is a need to have a safe space to have difficult
Conversations, When you are dealing with a toxic person, most of the
difficult conversations are left unfinished. You have a great deal
of uncertainty within the relationship itself. In most cases the person
become unavailable and distant and leaves the conversation hanging
and instead of talking to them, you will be replaying
the conversations over and over again in your head.
This avoidant behavior is called Stonewalling.
4. They are highly unpredictable in their demeanor
One day they will be totally charming and the next you will be wondering what you
did to upset them. Often there is nothing that naturally explains the changed
attitude; you just know that something is wrong. They can be prickly, sad,
cold, or moody and if you ask them if something is wrong they would simply
brush it off without addressing it, but their actions are loud and disheartening.
When this happens, the other person usually goes out of their way to make
things right, maybe make efforts to please them and tend to them. Creating an
emotional bond with toxic people can often lead to situations where we are
held hostage by our own emotions for them. They abuse this because they
are aware decent people will go a long way to make the people they care
about happiness.
Fix : In these situations, when you try so hard and nothing works, the only
solution left more often than not is to stop trying. You are not responsible for
the feelings of others, and you cannot regulate the emotions of other people
Yourself.
5. You never get an apology.
They’ll lie before they ever apologize, so there’s no end result to the
argument. They’ll twist the story, alternate the manner it took place, and
portray it so convincingly that people on the receiving end will betray their own
Judgment. They never take accountability for their actions and always play the blame game. They can make no mistakes, they are perfect in their own eyes, and if things get out of hand
or they make a mistake it is because YOU made them do it.
FIX: People that are toxic don’t apologize. And one should not wait for an apology
to carry forward. Move on without them. Don’t give up your reality, however
don’t engage continuously in the argument. There’s simply no conclusion to it,
and all anyone ends up doing is feed their twisted sense of entitlement.
Some human beings need to be right is far greater than their
need to be satisfied.
6. They’ll make it about the tone of the conversation, rather than what you’re
talking about but the same doesn’t apply to them.
You may be trying to resolve a problem or seek clarification, and before you
know it, the conversation or argument has moved away from the topic that
was important to you and the way you talked about it.
You’ll find yourself defending your tone, your mannerisms or your choice of words.
Their reasons for conflict doesn’t even have to make sense. In the meantime,
your original need has gone down well in the mountain of unfinished conversations
that seems to be growing every day.
7. Scales of balance.
You will be greeted with reasons why your good news is not good news or
how your news isn’t relevant to their agenda, and in some cases how their
achievements triumphs yours. Nothing is ever good enough for them.
They can never revel in the fact that things can go good for you,
or you can be content and happy with your end results.
There seems to be an unfair competition in their mind which
they always seem to have a need to win even in times of celebration.
The Takeaway.
Educating yourself on how the manipulators behave will help how your energy
to the relationship should flow, making the manipulations simpler to identify
and simpler to name. Knowing this, you have a good chance in not getting
tangled in a one-sided relationship that usually benefits just one person.
Manipulators can’t be thrilled and genuinely happy for the other person. They
are wired differently and often ask more from other people than they are
willing to give back, pushing the scales of balance towards them in the
situation.
Having a strong sense of boundaries and owning your own limitations is
usually the simplest and most appropriate course of action
However, bear in mind if a person is operating difficult to manipulate, it’s in all
likelihood due to the fact they want yours. You don’t continually need to
supply it however in case you do, don’t permit the value be too high where in
you put yourself in a compromising position
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